I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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