somebody snuck up and got me drunk
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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