Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
