whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
