On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I believe in your delicious
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
