He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's like iHOP with fire
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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