i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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