she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
FUCK WHALES
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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