Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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