Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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