to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
