OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
