Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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