Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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