THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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