Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
