Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
