i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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