I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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