..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
