dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
