well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
