Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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