You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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