nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
