I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
