At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
