mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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