Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
