just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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