i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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