**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nicole vs. Life
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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