I CAN MOONWALK!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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