Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
