Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
