I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
