i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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