I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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