just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
