five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
