I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
