I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
