Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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