And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
