woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
