Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
