I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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