So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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