She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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