pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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