TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
