3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
