I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
